For the lazy sack of unhappiness...(who is me...hi!), I'm responsible and I take the blame on me. It has been years I was ruining my life. As it is well said...The worst kind of extravagance is spending ur life's chances without thinking...and i have been doing the same...and then I ask "why am i still unhappy?" God has been working hard 24X7 to fill my life with some meaning and happiness...but Im spending energy in finding happiness in things that are not supposed to ne mine.
When I try to track my life to find the cause to my grief, I find it all began when I grew afraid of my own lonliness. I forgot that my "aloneness" could be my biggest strength. People become better as they grow old and perhaps as they become aware of their aloneness. I degraded my Pentium IV. It is not a all-loss but I allowed myself to run away from Amrit. I lost her, way back. I could have utilized my days to dive into the vast ocean of life but instead afraid of the aloneness there, I made failed attempts to hold that water in my fistes. Strangely, the result was unhappiness, regrets and more loneliness. Sometimes I dread, my unhappiness could conceive jealousy for others...
Its very suffocating when You have frustation, sorrow, sadness inside ur heart which u want to throw out but you dont have any way! You cant paint, cant write, cant sing but cry and cry and cry. And yes, you still cry because this makes you feel lighter for that time and u begin to trust ur tears. You think they r urs. But then days come when u want to cry and find u cant anymore. There are no tears just a pain. You are hurt badly and u want to shout it out but somebody has blocked ur mouth. Then all u do is sit and stare and wait for that struggle going insideto subside.
Think...u r in a coffin and its just about to close. And u lay inside staring at the clear blue sky thinking about ur loved ones and asking for forgiveness, for their expectations on u that u failed, for ur unfulfilled promises that remained unfulfilled, for life that u chose for urself unaware that their lives were also with u.
Have u ever watched the dark sky at nights? U r in perfect silence and so is ur surrounding. Tilt ur head up, and witness the eternal vastness above. White pearls shining? Suddenly, they begin to grow big, bigger and bigger! and few seconds after u r among them...Shhh!!! peaceful and soothing silence all around. The great cosmic bodies are meditating. The only voice is the one coming from their vibration. That sound purifies u..it has the power to heal u...leave ur heart in a relaxing mode. They all are wise...very wise. U feel the charismatic energy within u...Use this view to calm u down whenever u r tensed and unhappy...God loves u yaar...he is always there beside u...jusr give ur hands into his...no wait....Close ur eyes and transfer ur thoughts to that territory of wise bodies. Feel tha silence and then u will automatically feel their energy.
Maybe because the vast emptiness outside is the same as the heart shaped vast emptiness inside...
Kehne Ko Saath Apane Ek Duniya Chalti Hai
Per Chhupke Is Dil Mein Tanhaayi Palti Hai
yaar mere keyboard ki keys saaf hain....spelling mistakes ke liye maafi maangti hun...:P
For almost the same reasons I turned towards Blogging.
ReplyDeleteI needed a place to give vent to those troubling perplexing thoughts and random impressions that had obscured my mind big time !!
Blogs are the best means to speak yourself out.