A Train to Far Far Away...

Billy Strayhorn has very correctly said..."A Train was born without an effort, it is like writing a letter to a friend"...So why not do justice to this definition!!!

So just to make you familiar with my condition let me tell you, I am presently inside an AC coach of Kolkata Amritsar express...heading to Ludhiana. Its a perfect time to camouflage with the dark surrounding and open my memory case. My dad had promised me to gift me a costly and stylish cell phone after I return from Punjab…he thinks once I leave home, I won’t return…was that a bribe??? :P

I too am not very hopeful about my journey this time, because m not feeling any excitement about it in me, and this ought to be very strange! Whatever I am doing is because I have to…Packing has become so exhaustive and I don’t even remember what I have packed!! OH YES…I forgot my tooth Brush!! Even the idea of the AC coach has made me claustrophobic and nausea tic…I could imagine myself running desperately to the ends to get out and my fellow passengers, who are in fact ZOMBIES, staring at me and chanting, NO, NO, NO!!! And the worst part, I can tell this to nobody!

Things were not like that before…Train has played very important part in my life…:)Train journeys had always been a summer treat to us...Like every kid we would wait for summer holidays so that we can go out to our “nani ghar”…Earlier Gaya to Punjab was a 32 hours gap, and it was just perfect for us! Everything about the trip was exciting…the 15 day packing…the re-packing!!...the window seat, of course…all sort of comic books, Nandan, Nanhe samrat, Champak and then fighting over who will read which one first!!...waking up at 1 in the night…all this filled us with an inexplicable happiness and joy that can still be felt…it’s like when a soft breeze blows and very caringly lifts the petals of your memory from your heart and gently puts them back…only thing that matters is how and when you experience this breeze…I now realize why that was fun, because we were together…

Travelling alone is also fun…I remember the first thought that came to my mind when I was travelling alone…it was, “If I die here, when will I be identified? For how long my body will lay unclaimed until someone accepts me? Does my life deserve this kind of fate?” and guess what I started writing some extra emergency numbers in my personal notebook!!! Travelling alone is Independence, I don’t know of what, but it is…Travelling alone is travelling with yourself…I really don’t know ‘ki AC se ladki ka kya connection hai’ but I don’t mind as long as I have a window to gaze out. There have been many beautiful, not so beautiful and some ugly experiences I will always remember…

I have a peculiar habit of keeping the finest of pens with me while travelling and on being asked the reason; I used to tease my friends that someday some fine man may ask me for it!! There were times when I was glad that I was alone…being alone is better than getting bored with someone else!! But there were times when I wished that I had not…

I remember once, on way back to hostel, I got unwell…I reached Jaipur at 12 in night and had to wait for the bus which was not before 5…I managed to control myself but things got bit serious in the khatara roadways bus…That was terrible…I was sitting by a young man...I so desperately wanted that man to turn into someone so that I could rest my head on his shoulders!!! I was silently planning that what if I pretend to sleep and put my head on him…I don’t think he would have mind it…Did I do it? Crazy!!! That day has taught me about my limitations and that I alone cannot handle myself.

Travelling for me is exciting because it is a time when you belong to nowhere and nobody…it’s just that you are going from some place to somewhere…For me, I neither belonged to my hostel nor to my home…I used to be so proud of my frequent travellings, m still…whenever I got saturated from a place, I escaped to somewhere…although I didn’t have much options but that didn’t matter…But every time I was sure about the purpose of my travelling, and what I have to do next. Khanabadosh!!! This is a word once I was given…This is what I am missing now…

Now when someone asks me from which place do I come from, I reply…from many places! It’s interesting to watch people when I tell them about my place of origin, where was I brought up, where I studied…they find it weird. They think it’s useless. Maybe it is but I love living everywhere and yet nowhere and if asked about “my” plans about my future, I’ll prefer the same…

O.K. so far the only good omen about this journey has been the rain…and I think, rain in monsoon is pretty usual so I should better stop taking it in a dramatic way!! So after a badly done last minute packing and unsaid good byes, I am finally here…and you know what, I am beginning to like this berth of mine…the moving train is setting my body to a light rhythmic motion that is soothing and pleasant in its own way. The sound is working like a massage all over my body…Maybe this is the way Mr. Almighty is now pampering me. Is this again a bribe?? It’s like when mothers make their babies go to sleep; gently patting them...Yes, it is relaxing in the same way; both for body as well as my brain…Can I have one such for the heart??

I am not sure about the answer but I definitely know that I will be sleeping peacefully now and travelling to a land where I can fill my regrets…:)