A Diary Entry

After sitting idiotically with the diary and pen in front of me, I’ve come out with simply nothing. Many thoughts, whirling around, yet nothing worth mentioning...Thoughts of thoughtless state! Zilch...

Am I happy?? Peaceful?? Satisfied?? Because there’s nothing I need to take out of my mind to reach any stable state. Or am I simply “pitifully” confused about whether is this happiness or a pathetic state of cute-little-tired-lovable mind of mine. (I sometimes simply love my brain, but I can’t take it out and kiss it!)

But whatever it is...I feel like writing. Reason? Obviously, there are few, worth taking the pain! Firstly, I’ve bought a new pen and it writes simply SEXY!! I know this is weird but I use this word for pens. I’ve a special soft corner for them! Secondly, I love my handwriting! I can stare at it for at stretch and congratulate myself. It has been long since I’ve actually written something, thanks to MS Word. Thirdly, I don’t feel like doing anything else. But still, I wait for the moment when my brain catches the speed of my pen!!

It’s not always you feel like hopping all around the home and disturb your Dexter brother in his laboratory...!!! This must be very common moment; Thoughtless and satisfied enough to be content with one’s own company with some dormant pain, some hoping wishes, some innocent memories.

You look back at the moment you laughed and you cry! You look back at the moment you cried and you laugh! Such is the beautiful conspiracy of time.

I believe this state is due to tiredness, when nothing is being expected from the outside and inside. A tired mind looks for a shady place to escape the chaos of the world and rest...rest with the heart. The only moment when your mind and heart sit side-by-side and actually agree over matters!! The heart, hurt but smiling with its hand over mind’s shoulders and the mind peacefully crying with its head on heart’s shoulders!! Both are tired...And come to the realization that life has actually tricked them to go opposite ways. They are actually not supposed to be that way...contradicting each other.

It’s life that creates situations when the duo has to act like the piggy man and Bugs Bunny; enemies forever, and sometimes like the oxen Heera and Moti in “Do Bailon ki Katha”; tough guys together! (I apologize for my analogy, I couldn’t find any better) OK! a better one...Timon and Pumba...these guys rock!!

So, for now these guys are resting and having a light moment about life. But this is not the end. They will have to continue with the conflict as this is what makes a person get-going. This struggle is needed to understand the concept of right and wrong. But for now, this very moment is what, that is giving me peace, happiness; Just being myself...no expectations...no complaints...The power of this moment...

Jee li umar saari is pal mein,

Kuch bhi nai ab mere kal mein.

I read it earlier, to check how much satisfied and happy you are, there’s a test. Think that tomorrow is your last day. So, how do you plan your tomorrow, your last day?? What do you need to complete your life or just death? The answers may vary from complex ones like insurance policies, to leaving something for the people behind, to holiday to a desirable place...or just simple ones like having a walk or sipping tea with your beloveds...

Now I imagine Amrit joining the “awesome twosome” under the shade for a bit of relaxation and pamper.

And for you, who have struggled this far to figure out what I have actually tried to write, you deserve my appreciation...and thanks...and sympathy!