No Title This Time

It was an usual cold and sunny morning as I woke up today. My head was still heavy and running wild like a processor left running for days processing unnecessary information or like a machine gone crazy executing commands in an infinite loop. Yes, this is how I  can imagine and can better explain my brain. It accepts data like vision, figures, sounds, expressions, emotions, gestures and try to process them into information. Sometimes, this information gets so complex that it is unable to understand, so it dumps it giving it a garbage value and then keep the rest in its database. And sometimes it gets confused between two commands. But when too much information begins to flow,i.e. in chaotic conditions (emotionally and logically), it shuts itself down to prevent a system crash and begins to reboot!! And this is why it has been able to develop some simple guidelines of its own. People may call it dumb or a freak but I know its not. Yes a mechanical heart is less dangerous.

And I believe this is how you too will be feeling when you are waking up from some horrifying and horrendous dreams from past few days. It may sound like a fictional metaphysical mystery where you are having some recurrent nightmares!!! Where you maybe saving friends from some beautiful cannibals and getting their attention instead! Or an unfortunate apocalypse in a metropolitant city causing chaos and suffering around you! Or getting lost in some strange land with some unknown people, again where you are helping each other out and saving them from some evil looking Voldemort because you are meant to but atlast you see yourself dying helplessly! Or when you get caught in a maze of stairs(that's my favourite childhood nightmare!) that can transform themselves, never actually lead you to anywhere but keep taking you to places that you have never intended to go and sometimes end abruptly! Or a massive volcano erruption just near your colony or a meteorite rain and you decide to go out to bring people back home. And in all these you are busy saving others but falling into trouble. Was I a Samurai fighter, or some cosmo crazy scientist!! Never mind. These nightmares aren't my concern anyways.

So, after some moments of wondering and laughing at my self I finally decided to venture out of my blanket. As usual I checked my cell phone and found a message flashing that read, "Software update available. Update Now?", with two options of Update and Later. I pressed the Later option in irritation and stepped out.

Earlier in winter mornings, we used to go to the window to check the weather. The house just opposite to us which belonged to an old Bengali couple used to be our parameter...It was definitely not cold if it was visible and the day would be normal...A light fog flying across its red brick wall meant it was pretty cold plus wintery breeze outside. An invisible house with white foreground meant, IT WAS PERFECT! It meant that we can now blow "cigarette smoke" from our mouth. The best punishment in winters you can give others is by putting your threatening chilled hands on their cheeks. For further pleasure keep it for a long time. You just raise your hands and see the horror in their eyes and the pain in their scream...ha ha. That was an easy revenge my brothers took from me. And yes, one more dreadful thing to happen in winters, a hit on your foot when they are almost numb with cold. I was just gifted with it few days back by my sweet liltle devil (my brother). Believe me, it is a feeling as if your foot is hit after freezing it by liquid nitrogen so that it can break like a raddish broken in two equal halves...But now these mornings are more monotonous and arid. You know there would be wind, there may be sunshine, doesn't matter.

After sometime when I again checked my phone I found the same message being displayed again. And this time I decided to let it update itself. Why should it be running ho-hum like my days. And then just to avoid myself getting bored to death I explored the OVI store for the first time. I know I should have done it long ago but then I was least interested.  And to my surprise I enjoyed it. But this is what happens when we are busy 'living' and we overlook some of the life hidden in the corners. And it was then that I got this very amusing thought...What if everyday life asks us for updates with options, "Aaah, yes! thanksss" and "Maybe Later". Soon after you open your eyes, a virtual screen would welcome you and asks what would you like to have...And then you could login to the "LIFE store" and browse among various options available to you!! By the time you have a bath and get ready, the options would have completed downloading!!crazy...

So atlast now my cell phone has a dark orange theme to suit my mood.

A Wounded Silk

When I was made, fine white luxurious threads knitted together, I wondered over this life given to me. I looked at myself...white, like a new born soul...soft and light, like the morning rays resting on a new tulip bud...strong, like the cobweb among the bush that holds the water droplets and shine beautifully after the rain. I looked around and found many of my type, some lacked shine, some little rough for me and some too shiny. I was happy for my softness...proud of my elegance...and unaware that in this world there is always a price to pay...

I watched others, being taken away, transformed into beautiful cloths, waving me good bye...I wished them and waved them back. I waited for my turn...I was never envy of them because I believed that something better will happen to me. So, I waited very patiently for that ‘something’ to happen to me. At last, I was taken out...

They cut a small part of me and put me in boiling water and stirred ruthlessly. Shocked by the blistering heat, I forgot to cry for help. When I was taken out, it pained...I looked at myself still figuring out what the hell happened to me and found myself colored into gorgeous red!! I heard someone saying that I had become more attractive and valuable. I was a fine looking red silk scarf now! Really? I had a second look at myself; it was the color they wanted me to be in...Yes, I looked good...in fact, better. People would want me now...They would pay any price to have me...They would be wanting me because I will complete their attire and make it more beautiful...

I was kept by the glass window, wrapped around a lifeless female. It is called the art of luring away...make them believe that if I look good on this pseudo human, I will look better on them no matter how or what they look like! For some time, people passed looking at me...there were faces, admiring me, calculating my worth, some uninterested. I saw some of my fellows still hanging in the display. I didn’t know how to talk to them, so I never bothered them. And I was misunderstood to be arrogant. Each day they got replaced but I was still there...people came to me...

I thought they needed me. But it was the other way, I needed them. It was I who waited for someone to add meaning to me. Wrapped over a plastic mannequin was giving me no satisfaction! After all, I wasn’t made for it...there should have been something more...

And then she came, touched me gently, wrapped myself around her slender neck and looked at her image in the mirror. She flaunted her classy personality stylishly. It made me flaunt as well...I never thought I would look so good. We both needed each other to complete our purpose...the only difference was that her need was more or less a want. Without hesitating she bought me and took me with her. I was happy. I had just found myself a home...

Soon I realized, the best part when she walked wearing me was when the wind made me fly. I never imagined that I could fly. Till now I had only imagined being possessed and used whenever wanted. Fluttering in the wind turned out to be a relief from being tied. I flew joyfully and carelessly...and came to know a new world where I did not need to look in the mirror to prepare myself for the day but where flying was beauty...

It is in the nature of the wind to take along with it whatever it wants...make everything that comes in its way to fly in its direction. It was doing the same to me...One fine day, when nobody was watching, I flew...for the first time I flew freely...crazily!! The more swiftly I flew, the more eagerly the wind blew...

It seemed I was racing...against myself. I flew through cities, mountains, meadows...through summers and winters...It was like I can travel the whole world if the wind kept me moving...I had become the wind...In this ‘madness’ I didn’t realize that I was actually a piece of fabric, with limitations, cannot pass through the thorny tree that came in my way...I tumbled, tried to stop but couldn’t because of the wind...And got entwined between the branches...

I tried to fly even harder with the wind in order to free myself...but in this process I entangled myself even deeper and my fabric got bruised...it hurt. But the wind did not stop...I tried to rest but it still made me fly...The more I fly with it, the more it wounds me. I laugh and cry at the same time...Was I punished because I forgot to serve my owner and thought of exploring something that was beyond my periphery??

I still enjoy flying even if it hurts...it is better than drooping lifelessly. The wind provokes and teases me but I still wait for that ‘something’ to happen...I remember the day when I was made, fine, elegant, fragile, adorable...

Easily stainable and attackable!

Read the complete story, A Wounded Silk-II

A Diary Entry

After sitting idiotically with the diary and pen in front of me, I’ve come out with simply nothing. Many thoughts, whirling around, yet nothing worth mentioning...Thoughts of thoughtless state! Zilch...

Am I happy?? Peaceful?? Satisfied?? Because there’s nothing I need to take out of my mind to reach any stable state. Or am I simply “pitifully” confused about whether is this happiness or a pathetic state of cute-little-tired-lovable mind of mine. (I sometimes simply love my brain, but I can’t take it out and kiss it!)

But whatever it is...I feel like writing. Reason? Obviously, there are few, worth taking the pain! Firstly, I’ve bought a new pen and it writes simply SEXY!! I know this is weird but I use this word for pens. I’ve a special soft corner for them! Secondly, I love my handwriting! I can stare at it for at stretch and congratulate myself. It has been long since I’ve actually written something, thanks to MS Word. Thirdly, I don’t feel like doing anything else. But still, I wait for the moment when my brain catches the speed of my pen!!

It’s not always you feel like hopping all around the home and disturb your Dexter brother in his laboratory...!!! This must be very common moment; Thoughtless and satisfied enough to be content with one’s own company with some dormant pain, some hoping wishes, some innocent memories.

You look back at the moment you laughed and you cry! You look back at the moment you cried and you laugh! Such is the beautiful conspiracy of time.

I believe this state is due to tiredness, when nothing is being expected from the outside and inside. A tired mind looks for a shady place to escape the chaos of the world and rest...rest with the heart. The only moment when your mind and heart sit side-by-side and actually agree over matters!! The heart, hurt but smiling with its hand over mind’s shoulders and the mind peacefully crying with its head on heart’s shoulders!! Both are tired...And come to the realization that life has actually tricked them to go opposite ways. They are actually not supposed to be that way...contradicting each other.

It’s life that creates situations when the duo has to act like the piggy man and Bugs Bunny; enemies forever, and sometimes like the oxen Heera and Moti in “Do Bailon ki Katha”; tough guys together! (I apologize for my analogy, I couldn’t find any better) OK! a better one...Timon and Pumba...these guys rock!!

So, for now these guys are resting and having a light moment about life. But this is not the end. They will have to continue with the conflict as this is what makes a person get-going. This struggle is needed to understand the concept of right and wrong. But for now, this very moment is what, that is giving me peace, happiness; Just being myself...no expectations...no complaints...The power of this moment...

Jee li umar saari is pal mein,

Kuch bhi nai ab mere kal mein.

I read it earlier, to check how much satisfied and happy you are, there’s a test. Think that tomorrow is your last day. So, how do you plan your tomorrow, your last day?? What do you need to complete your life or just death? The answers may vary from complex ones like insurance policies, to leaving something for the people behind, to holiday to a desirable place...or just simple ones like having a walk or sipping tea with your beloveds...

Now I imagine Amrit joining the “awesome twosome” under the shade for a bit of relaxation and pamper.

And for you, who have struggled this far to figure out what I have actually tried to write, you deserve my appreciation...and thanks...and sympathy!