No Title This Time

It was an usual cold and sunny morning as I woke up today. My head was still heavy and running wild like a processor left running for days processing unnecessary information or like a machine gone crazy executing commands in an infinite loop. Yes, this is how I  can imagine and can better explain my brain. It accepts data like vision, figures, sounds, expressions, emotions, gestures and try to process them into information. Sometimes, this information gets so complex that it is unable to understand, so it dumps it giving it a garbage value and then keep the rest in its database. And sometimes it gets confused between two commands. But when too much information begins to flow,i.e. in chaotic conditions (emotionally and logically), it shuts itself down to prevent a system crash and begins to reboot!! And this is why it has been able to develop some simple guidelines of its own. People may call it dumb or a freak but I know its not. Yes a mechanical heart is less dangerous.

And I believe this is how you too will be feeling when you are waking up from some horrifying and horrendous dreams from past few days. It may sound like a fictional metaphysical mystery where you are having some recurrent nightmares!!! Where you maybe saving friends from some beautiful cannibals and getting their attention instead! Or an unfortunate apocalypse in a metropolitant city causing chaos and suffering around you! Or getting lost in some strange land with some unknown people, again where you are helping each other out and saving them from some evil looking Voldemort because you are meant to but atlast you see yourself dying helplessly! Or when you get caught in a maze of stairs(that's my favourite childhood nightmare!) that can transform themselves, never actually lead you to anywhere but keep taking you to places that you have never intended to go and sometimes end abruptly! Or a massive volcano erruption just near your colony or a meteorite rain and you decide to go out to bring people back home. And in all these you are busy saving others but falling into trouble. Was I a Samurai fighter, or some cosmo crazy scientist!! Never mind. These nightmares aren't my concern anyways.

So, after some moments of wondering and laughing at my self I finally decided to venture out of my blanket. As usual I checked my cell phone and found a message flashing that read, "Software update available. Update Now?", with two options of Update and Later. I pressed the Later option in irritation and stepped out.

Earlier in winter mornings, we used to go to the window to check the weather. The house just opposite to us which belonged to an old Bengali couple used to be our parameter...It was definitely not cold if it was visible and the day would be normal...A light fog flying across its red brick wall meant it was pretty cold plus wintery breeze outside. An invisible house with white foreground meant, IT WAS PERFECT! It meant that we can now blow "cigarette smoke" from our mouth. The best punishment in winters you can give others is by putting your threatening chilled hands on their cheeks. For further pleasure keep it for a long time. You just raise your hands and see the horror in their eyes and the pain in their scream...ha ha. That was an easy revenge my brothers took from me. And yes, one more dreadful thing to happen in winters, a hit on your foot when they are almost numb with cold. I was just gifted with it few days back by my sweet liltle devil (my brother). Believe me, it is a feeling as if your foot is hit after freezing it by liquid nitrogen so that it can break like a raddish broken in two equal halves...But now these mornings are more monotonous and arid. You know there would be wind, there may be sunshine, doesn't matter.

After sometime when I again checked my phone I found the same message being displayed again. And this time I decided to let it update itself. Why should it be running ho-hum like my days. And then just to avoid myself getting bored to death I explored the OVI store for the first time. I know I should have done it long ago but then I was least interested.  And to my surprise I enjoyed it. But this is what happens when we are busy 'living' and we overlook some of the life hidden in the corners. And it was then that I got this very amusing thought...What if everyday life asks us for updates with options, "Aaah, yes! thanksss" and "Maybe Later". Soon after you open your eyes, a virtual screen would welcome you and asks what would you like to have...And then you could login to the "LIFE store" and browse among various options available to you!! By the time you have a bath and get ready, the options would have completed downloading!!crazy...

So atlast now my cell phone has a dark orange theme to suit my mood.

A Wounded Silk

When I was made, fine white luxurious threads knitted together, I wondered over this life given to me. I looked at myself...white, like a new born soul...soft and light, like the morning rays resting on a new tulip bud...strong, like the cobweb among the bush that holds the water droplets and shine beautifully after the rain. I looked around and found many of my type, some lacked shine, some little rough for me and some too shiny. I was happy for my softness...proud of my elegance...and unaware that in this world there is always a price to pay...

I watched others, being taken away, transformed into beautiful cloths, waving me good bye...I wished them and waved them back. I waited for my turn...I was never envy of them because I believed that something better will happen to me. So, I waited very patiently for that ‘something’ to happen to me. At last, I was taken out...

They cut a small part of me and put me in boiling water and stirred ruthlessly. Shocked by the blistering heat, I forgot to cry for help. When I was taken out, it pained...I looked at myself still figuring out what the hell happened to me and found myself colored into gorgeous red!! I heard someone saying that I had become more attractive and valuable. I was a fine looking red silk scarf now! Really? I had a second look at myself; it was the color they wanted me to be in...Yes, I looked good...in fact, better. People would want me now...They would pay any price to have me...They would be wanting me because I will complete their attire and make it more beautiful...

I was kept by the glass window, wrapped around a lifeless female. It is called the art of luring away...make them believe that if I look good on this pseudo human, I will look better on them no matter how or what they look like! For some time, people passed looking at me...there were faces, admiring me, calculating my worth, some uninterested. I saw some of my fellows still hanging in the display. I didn’t know how to talk to them, so I never bothered them. And I was misunderstood to be arrogant. Each day they got replaced but I was still there...people came to me...

I thought they needed me. But it was the other way, I needed them. It was I who waited for someone to add meaning to me. Wrapped over a plastic mannequin was giving me no satisfaction! After all, I wasn’t made for it...there should have been something more...

And then she came, touched me gently, wrapped myself around her slender neck and looked at her image in the mirror. She flaunted her classy personality stylishly. It made me flaunt as well...I never thought I would look so good. We both needed each other to complete our purpose...the only difference was that her need was more or less a want. Without hesitating she bought me and took me with her. I was happy. I had just found myself a home...

Soon I realized, the best part when she walked wearing me was when the wind made me fly. I never imagined that I could fly. Till now I had only imagined being possessed and used whenever wanted. Fluttering in the wind turned out to be a relief from being tied. I flew joyfully and carelessly...and came to know a new world where I did not need to look in the mirror to prepare myself for the day but where flying was beauty...

It is in the nature of the wind to take along with it whatever it wants...make everything that comes in its way to fly in its direction. It was doing the same to me...One fine day, when nobody was watching, I flew...for the first time I flew freely...crazily!! The more swiftly I flew, the more eagerly the wind blew...

It seemed I was racing...against myself. I flew through cities, mountains, meadows...through summers and winters...It was like I can travel the whole world if the wind kept me moving...I had become the wind...In this ‘madness’ I didn’t realize that I was actually a piece of fabric, with limitations, cannot pass through the thorny tree that came in my way...I tumbled, tried to stop but couldn’t because of the wind...And got entwined between the branches...

I tried to fly even harder with the wind in order to free myself...but in this process I entangled myself even deeper and my fabric got bruised...it hurt. But the wind did not stop...I tried to rest but it still made me fly...The more I fly with it, the more it wounds me. I laugh and cry at the same time...Was I punished because I forgot to serve my owner and thought of exploring something that was beyond my periphery??

I still enjoy flying even if it hurts...it is better than drooping lifelessly. The wind provokes and teases me but I still wait for that ‘something’ to happen...I remember the day when I was made, fine, elegant, fragile, adorable...

Easily stainable and attackable!

Read the complete story, A Wounded Silk-II

A Diary Entry

After sitting idiotically with the diary and pen in front of me, I’ve come out with simply nothing. Many thoughts, whirling around, yet nothing worth mentioning...Thoughts of thoughtless state! Zilch...

Am I happy?? Peaceful?? Satisfied?? Because there’s nothing I need to take out of my mind to reach any stable state. Or am I simply “pitifully” confused about whether is this happiness or a pathetic state of cute-little-tired-lovable mind of mine. (I sometimes simply love my brain, but I can’t take it out and kiss it!)

But whatever it is...I feel like writing. Reason? Obviously, there are few, worth taking the pain! Firstly, I’ve bought a new pen and it writes simply SEXY!! I know this is weird but I use this word for pens. I’ve a special soft corner for them! Secondly, I love my handwriting! I can stare at it for at stretch and congratulate myself. It has been long since I’ve actually written something, thanks to MS Word. Thirdly, I don’t feel like doing anything else. But still, I wait for the moment when my brain catches the speed of my pen!!

It’s not always you feel like hopping all around the home and disturb your Dexter brother in his laboratory...!!! This must be very common moment; Thoughtless and satisfied enough to be content with one’s own company with some dormant pain, some hoping wishes, some innocent memories.

You look back at the moment you laughed and you cry! You look back at the moment you cried and you laugh! Such is the beautiful conspiracy of time.

I believe this state is due to tiredness, when nothing is being expected from the outside and inside. A tired mind looks for a shady place to escape the chaos of the world and rest...rest with the heart. The only moment when your mind and heart sit side-by-side and actually agree over matters!! The heart, hurt but smiling with its hand over mind’s shoulders and the mind peacefully crying with its head on heart’s shoulders!! Both are tired...And come to the realization that life has actually tricked them to go opposite ways. They are actually not supposed to be that way...contradicting each other.

It’s life that creates situations when the duo has to act like the piggy man and Bugs Bunny; enemies forever, and sometimes like the oxen Heera and Moti in “Do Bailon ki Katha”; tough guys together! (I apologize for my analogy, I couldn’t find any better) OK! a better one...Timon and Pumba...these guys rock!!

So, for now these guys are resting and having a light moment about life. But this is not the end. They will have to continue with the conflict as this is what makes a person get-going. This struggle is needed to understand the concept of right and wrong. But for now, this very moment is what, that is giving me peace, happiness; Just being myself...no expectations...no complaints...The power of this moment...

Jee li umar saari is pal mein,

Kuch bhi nai ab mere kal mein.

I read it earlier, to check how much satisfied and happy you are, there’s a test. Think that tomorrow is your last day. So, how do you plan your tomorrow, your last day?? What do you need to complete your life or just death? The answers may vary from complex ones like insurance policies, to leaving something for the people behind, to holiday to a desirable place...or just simple ones like having a walk or sipping tea with your beloveds...

Now I imagine Amrit joining the “awesome twosome” under the shade for a bit of relaxation and pamper.

And for you, who have struggled this far to figure out what I have actually tried to write, you deserve my appreciation...and thanks...and sympathy!

Warm Winters

It was a B.E.A.utiful day...!!!  (as Jim Carrey would say)...:)

A cute little baby winter, standing innocently at your door steps, watching you as you wake up...and when you go out to check the weather an adolescent chill pinches your arms...she is just playing with you as she is yet to learn the rules of nature...you don’t have any option other than to just smile and cover that area of your skin with your warm hands...that touch is just enough, to make it warm again. This trick is then passed to the water...it’s cold enough for you to come back to your senses...

As the day proceeds, the cool breeze’s play is still on but is now supported by clouds...and the time when you look out from your window you see pretty shy drizzle falling from sky as if God is now shedding off his last remains of rain from his lap...Aaah! A treat to a longing soul, my Lord!

The noon is quiet and slightly cold; everyone’s sleeping peacefully as if they haven’t slept for ages and need a serious relaxation...You take a look around to find new leaves on the plants and some extremely beautiful and lovely floral species that flourish only in winters...It’s the time for change...new births! Beauty is always inspiring...and what can be more beautiful than this moment that has inspired me to write again...

I have a terrible habit of dwelling in the past that sometimes makes me hopelessly miserable...it takes no time for me to open my memory treasure box and look at the stuffs dumped since time unknown...

I love winters...the first feel of her...just love it! It amuses me when I get confuse on what and how many warm clothes to wear and finally come to decide that let it be just one, after all it’s winter, how can you enjoy it without shivering!!! What’s more pampering than wrapping yourself in a rajaai and just sit idle, being too lazy to move!!! What’s more adventurous than walking through the fog with an icy cold nose...and when you blink you find your eyelids freezing, too!!

When we used to be kids, my brother and I, we used to play with papa what we called “the-cave-game”...two people were supposed to hide inside the blanket and burrow themselves completely and “the wolf” was supposed to look for the weak spot and attack the cave...it was exciting and thrilling!!! I remember, then I used to avoid the quilts because I believed them to be cold stuffs (because their covers used to be so!!!)...then papa used to make me sleep with him in his quilt. It was just trust that made me go to him after my bitter experience, he he, :D...This story is reminded to me by him every winter as if he is telling me for the first time...Then there used be my cute pet cat (now I hope I should have named her, in fact all of 3 generations!), who loved rajaai’s...that furry ball used to sit beside me and we both used to enjoy the warmth...!!!

Home is so beautiful in winters; thanx to my parents’ interest in gardening...It is filled with colorful and elegant floral plants that make me proud every time I look at them. I used to miss home in winters. Partly because of the reason that in college it was usually examination time due to which students were a rare site on campus in the evenings...and for a grieving and afraid heart (due to exams!!) it is almost intolerable. The freezing and dry wind of Rajasthan had a somber silence that it never failed to convey to my heart.

These and so many other memories came gushing over my mind at the mere feel of the cool breeze...Winters are always depicted as cold, unemotional and unpleasant, but trust me, they can be cold only when you don’t have any warm memories...I am sure you all must be experiencing some déjà-vu...I would love to hear it from you...good, bad...any? I must have skipped something...

The change has begun and I can feel it...

A Train to Far Far Away...

Billy Strayhorn has very correctly said..."A Train was born without an effort, it is like writing a letter to a friend"...So why not do justice to this definition!!!

So just to make you familiar with my condition let me tell you, I am presently inside an AC coach of Kolkata Amritsar express...heading to Ludhiana. Its a perfect time to camouflage with the dark surrounding and open my memory case. My dad had promised me to gift me a costly and stylish cell phone after I return from Punjab…he thinks once I leave home, I won’t return…was that a bribe??? :P

I too am not very hopeful about my journey this time, because m not feeling any excitement about it in me, and this ought to be very strange! Whatever I am doing is because I have to…Packing has become so exhaustive and I don’t even remember what I have packed!! OH YES…I forgot my tooth Brush!! Even the idea of the AC coach has made me claustrophobic and nausea tic…I could imagine myself running desperately to the ends to get out and my fellow passengers, who are in fact ZOMBIES, staring at me and chanting, NO, NO, NO!!! And the worst part, I can tell this to nobody!

Things were not like that before…Train has played very important part in my life…:)Train journeys had always been a summer treat to us...Like every kid we would wait for summer holidays so that we can go out to our “nani ghar”…Earlier Gaya to Punjab was a 32 hours gap, and it was just perfect for us! Everything about the trip was exciting…the 15 day packing…the re-packing!!...the window seat, of course…all sort of comic books, Nandan, Nanhe samrat, Champak and then fighting over who will read which one first!!...waking up at 1 in the night…all this filled us with an inexplicable happiness and joy that can still be felt…it’s like when a soft breeze blows and very caringly lifts the petals of your memory from your heart and gently puts them back…only thing that matters is how and when you experience this breeze…I now realize why that was fun, because we were together…

Travelling alone is also fun…I remember the first thought that came to my mind when I was travelling alone…it was, “If I die here, when will I be identified? For how long my body will lay unclaimed until someone accepts me? Does my life deserve this kind of fate?” and guess what I started writing some extra emergency numbers in my personal notebook!!! Travelling alone is Independence, I don’t know of what, but it is…Travelling alone is travelling with yourself…I really don’t know ‘ki AC se ladki ka kya connection hai’ but I don’t mind as long as I have a window to gaze out. There have been many beautiful, not so beautiful and some ugly experiences I will always remember…

I have a peculiar habit of keeping the finest of pens with me while travelling and on being asked the reason; I used to tease my friends that someday some fine man may ask me for it!! There were times when I was glad that I was alone…being alone is better than getting bored with someone else!! But there were times when I wished that I had not…

I remember once, on way back to hostel, I got unwell…I reached Jaipur at 12 in night and had to wait for the bus which was not before 5…I managed to control myself but things got bit serious in the khatara roadways bus…That was terrible…I was sitting by a young man...I so desperately wanted that man to turn into someone so that I could rest my head on his shoulders!!! I was silently planning that what if I pretend to sleep and put my head on him…I don’t think he would have mind it…Did I do it? Crazy!!! That day has taught me about my limitations and that I alone cannot handle myself.

Travelling for me is exciting because it is a time when you belong to nowhere and nobody…it’s just that you are going from some place to somewhere…For me, I neither belonged to my hostel nor to my home…I used to be so proud of my frequent travellings, m still…whenever I got saturated from a place, I escaped to somewhere…although I didn’t have much options but that didn’t matter…But every time I was sure about the purpose of my travelling, and what I have to do next. Khanabadosh!!! This is a word once I was given…This is what I am missing now…

Now when someone asks me from which place do I come from, I reply…from many places! It’s interesting to watch people when I tell them about my place of origin, where was I brought up, where I studied…they find it weird. They think it’s useless. Maybe it is but I love living everywhere and yet nowhere and if asked about “my” plans about my future, I’ll prefer the same…

O.K. so far the only good omen about this journey has been the rain…and I think, rain in monsoon is pretty usual so I should better stop taking it in a dramatic way!! So after a badly done last minute packing and unsaid good byes, I am finally here…and you know what, I am beginning to like this berth of mine…the moving train is setting my body to a light rhythmic motion that is soothing and pleasant in its own way. The sound is working like a massage all over my body…Maybe this is the way Mr. Almighty is now pampering me. Is this again a bribe?? It’s like when mothers make their babies go to sleep; gently patting them...Yes, it is relaxing in the same way; both for body as well as my brain…Can I have one such for the heart??

I am not sure about the answer but I definitely know that I will be sleeping peacefully now and travelling to a land where I can fill my regrets…:)

GOD tussi great ho!!!

Today morning while reading some phrases by Guru Ramdaas ji (IV Sikh guru), one interesting annals crossed my mind that made me smile and transported me to an unknown place where I had a small chat with the protagonist of that tale for a fraction of a second…

When Guru Nanak came to marry Mata Sulakhani in Gurdaspur, he was made to sit near an infirm and half-made brick wall…well, what could be the purpose?? His sisters-in-law and other ladies had planned a prank on this poor groom!! They wished that the wall would fall on him…: D

But it did not happen so…The wall did not fall…AND THAT WALL STILL STANDS TODAY…firm…

Those were the days…such bold pranks…and now when one of my cousins suggested to sprinkle salt on kaju burfi for another sister’s groom, my mother got senti…”na beta, o ta inna sahu munda”…ha ha!!

So Mr. God, must have been tough time then, huh??

Weren’t they aware that you were not an ordinary man…sure they must have been…but still…human nature…and you spoilt their amusement, maybe disappointed them…?? Maybe you could have done something else to save your prestige at the same time keep those ladies happy. Maybe making the wall fall to other side…Making it lighter than cotton while falling…I’m sure Mr. Krishna would have done something more interesting!!

But then this wall would not have stood till this date, rite? A symbol of your Name till eternity…A symbol of your greatness…so that people have reasons to believe you…

So that people have reasons to be afraid of you…??

You take so pride in whatever you do…left your wife with two sons…to start something that would get converted into yet another religion??

Well…I don’t know why things happened as they have happened…why things are happening as they are…but you have ‘fantabulous’ way of handling things in the best possible way…

So, you can remain in charge as long as…………………………………………….you want!!! 

Rendezvous with Mother Nature

Yesterday night was my first official encounter with the rain. It had rained only thrice since I arrived here. It was 10:30 at night and the town was half asleep. Usually these initial rainy conditions are accompanied with power-cuts, mosquitoes (Himesh Reshamiya’s fans!!) and hot humid weather. We had just ended with the discussion that Indra’s job should be handed over to the queen of soaps, Ekta Kapoor...she handles this rain thing very well in her serials...heavy rains and a story in each of them. Indra devta seemed not to be happy with this idea!! And to make his position secured, he demonstrated a tiny version of his power...well, our idea worked...and we were on our way.

Sitting in the rain with head tilted above, I realized how much I wanted to see it...and how much I miss those rainy days of my childhood. It used to rain heavily in those days...heavy enough for my heart to be content. We were the lucky ones. If the rain started at 3 or 5 in the morning, which would mean school’s ground must have been filled with it and...what else...chhutti!!! Praying this and secretly and devil-ishly smiling in our minds we used to just lie down and listen to the “tup tup”...when woken-up by mother, we used to rush to the window just to have a look at it...and the street of course, just to analyse the situation!! A secret smiling code transmitted to the other...Dressing up for school had never been so fast and interesting on any other day. A childish cosmic energy would help us to get ready for school in spite of knowing that the school would be closed today! It was a chance for us to be in rain...a chance to see the principal standing at the gate under her umbrella and asking children to return back. We would go all the way back to home through a different route (a long one) crying to other students, “wapas jao, chhutti hai!!” no matter which school he belonged...:D

Sometimes, we were not that lucky...going school in car is not always a boon...we were the dry ones and had to attend school in little less rainy conditions. Ahhh...par class mein kiske man lage jab bahar barkha rani nach rahi ho...dark and gloomy class...yellow and boring bulb lights...a teacher speaking some strange language...and restless heads turning left right, sometimes to doors, sometimes to windows...and the best part, when at dismissal I used to think, “kash mummy ne ye banaya ho” and to my surprise there it was already served before me...Maybe this is why rain is an answer to a child’s prayer...

I remember when I was in my first year in hostel...I was a lone lonely loner for the first time ever...it had rained so beautifully...a depressed dry heart of mine got so elated like it had found the thing it was looking for. With umbrella in one hand and shrinking to my half volume to avoid getting wet, I called home (I don’t know why). I told father suppressing my tears, “it’s raining heavily here”. He just laughed. How stupid I was...it rains heavily everywhere else...what’s the big deal...

I just wanted to share the rain with someone...just wanted to tell how beautiful I was feeling...just wished someone to see the rain through my heart...for the first time in my life rain had brought such strange feeling to me...to be with someone...Maybe this is why rain is an answer for a longing soul...

Now sitting here in the dark and feeling the rain on my skin, I wondered how it used to be fun, and then an emotion and how it has become an escape. I questioned myself why doesn’t the bathroom shower gives this kind of pleasure...after all it’s just a matter of getting wet from water falling from a height and giving you a tickling feeling behind your neck. This is Mother Nature...something inside you is connected to her...It’s like the relief you get whenever you see your mother’s face...the assurance you get in her presence so that your heart can say everything’s fine...the refuge you get in her arms...The same is with mother nature...No matter how old you get, every time it rains you will feel the love and blessing pouring down, every time you feel it you get to know everything’s fine, the assurance you get that you are being listened...Maybe this is why rain is a refuge to a tired mind...

Akele hain chale aao, jahan ho,

Kahaan awaz de tumko, kahaan ho..

Good work Mr. Indra! But you could have done better!! :P

Serendipity

Two special things about this blog…First, m sitting in my car (my father’s actually), storming thoughts, chilling A.C and Mohd. Rafi songs…Second, it’s a beautiful day (ya shayd maine specs lagae hain isliye sab kuch clear dikh raha hai!) Black clouds, Green grass n trees, Brown mountains…inexplicable!

But none of the above has inspired me to write but a heartwarming serendipity…

OK…feel the chill of the A.C. and imagine…

It’s a wedding reception...very weird out-of-situation bollywood songs at loud volume...a pandal crying ‘no more please’...giggling ladies, ogling men and a gift in your hand to make sure u don’t escape the embarrassment...Ok, inside what I see...people busy filling their stomachs that have been intentionally kept empty for several hours. Three kinds of people come to such places…Relatives and people who have to fulfill this formality for sake of others happiness and social ethics, those who need a topic to gossip for next few weeks, and those who have planned their dinner here. My brother wished Namaste to one of our neighbors (who was among the early comers and must be helping himself second time with the food) only to discover some remains of all the items present on his plate between his teeth...I couldn’t dare to see anyone coz I was looking down and searching for safe landing for my feet and avoiding their collision with paper plates, napkins and all sorts of imaginable crap. If I’m so critical about such functions, why am I here? Nobody forced me.

Well, I was here to congratulate the bride who happens to be my very close school friend...I had to come...I was happy for her...and I was meeting her after 6 long years. I gathered courage to look few degrees here and there and saw her (a vague image, no specs)...sitting on a small wooden stage with the groom...looking down nervously...I can understand what she must be feeling..:P Like coke bottles placed in a refrigerator or like items in a showcase…I could see her in lal shadi ka joda and loud bridal make-up but could not identify her with the face I had in my mental database...she must have seen me approaching the stage coz when our eyes met she gave me a big toothy smile and then covered it with her hand...maybe she realized the criticality of the situation...chalo one thing confirmed she remembered me...and was equally happy to see me...I climbed the wooden stairs frightened as always, congratulated her and handed her the gift...before I could further say anything she spoke looking into my eyes, ”Bahut achhi lag rahi ho!”...I lost my speech...I just got lost in her innocence... here she should be one to receive compliments…we began talking to each other like we used in our class, library, on field...maybe she is just sitting on a chair in the lab and m giving her the practical copy...hmmm...amrit that was 7-8 years back...

Suddenly an impatient lady pushed me aside and managed to hand over an envelope to her...I realized we have been talking for an unaccepted time period…I moved down…I looked for a friendly face but in vain.

You really can’t escape these situations…a videographer flooding whole of his flash into your eyes (esp. if u r a beautiful girl like me…ok sorry!) and what else, you with your plate are being filmed. Now what does the food I am eating has to do with the reception ceremony…unka per plate cost kitna hai…main chukka dungi…kishto mein..!!

I once again saw her…this time sitting alone…dulhe raja had descended down to talk to his friends…leaving his jeevan sangini behind, sitting alone…now what do I think of him?? Again, I grasped few minutes to talk to her and this time I sat beside her…her expressions told she was glad to have someone beside her… All was so cool for her…jaise ye sab to hona hi tha…I would say she is more stronger than me…she has the courage to accept what is going on with her…There was a percent of relieve inside me that I was not her…we were again like two kids secretly gossiping in a class…she wanted to know about me, I wanted to know whatever happened to her in past 6 years…I had nothing much to tell her…maybe I didn’t want to tell her…well what will she understand and why I expect she will try to when she must be having the wonderfullest moment of her life…

Now the question is, I was so sure to meet my friend in the ceremony then why this is a serendipity?? What’s the sudden discovery?? The answer is, I discovered myself in my old friend…in the confidence she had that the 6 yrs can’t change the people from what they were in past 18yrs…in the confidence that I can be an efficient manager and employer…in the confidence that we are best friends in spite of the fact that I hardly talked to her when I visited home in my vacations…all I had in these yrs was a letter she wrote to me in my first year…it was a home coming…

We left very soon…now that neighbor uncle must be helping himself with the desert…:P

the New City

New city can really change your life. Especially, after a hostel life where you were only concerned with eating, a bit of studying and friends. It has been two and a half months here in Chandigarh and I’ve really started to get the taste of so-called-fast-forward lifestyle, back-biting corporate environment and save-relationships-before-they-go-into-the-dustbin situations.

My source of inspiration for this blog is my recent bike rides because the only time I get to think about life is when I’m on the pillion seat of my bro’s raven black Pulsar 180. One good thing about Chandigarh roads is that there are no “beauty spots” on roads to “Brake” your thoughts. The only two reasons why you want to slow down are when you have reached where you were headed to and second, when the light goes red. I was always fond of sitting on bikes while someone with good driving skills rode, making an unheard promise of my safety. Of course, travelling CTU city buses is also a very peaceful experience but that makes me sleepy and wish that the bus doesn’t turn abruptly, making me do a goofy in front of others.

Yes, back to the private ride...it is only when you are sitting on a powerful bike and moving at a considerable speed, parallel to the road, your mind gets relaxed and several thoughts (good ones, of course) come gushing in. And it is only then you feel like closing your eyes and tilt your head upwards and feel the strength of the wind coming on your face. The sound then you hear is not of the bike’s engine but the wind that is loudly encouraging you for more speed. It roars in your ears and for a while you are carried away by it. You have heard this sound before…when?? Ahhh...It’s like you are listening to a thunderous black hole...giant, terrifying, yet elegant.

The only disadvantage of this power ride is that your hair gets all entangled and wildly ruffled up...and I love my hairs.

Here I have a two room flat, which I wish to decorate well and make it worth living...A bit of greenery is essential...but all this need to wait for a while. My first concern is to manage my time and priorities. I know I need to work very hard on myself and this is the only time I have got.

Sometimes, I wish to get dissolved in the crowd...Forget myself...my past...like a single star in a galaxy full of billion others. Let the new life empty my cup...spill all my past, pain, short comings. Now, when I get tired and want to relax, I don’t look for a human company anymore but wish I had cute, small and puffy paws playing with my cheeks...that of a puppy or a kitten... strange, isn’t it? Maybe they will sadly wait for me at the gate and get happy at my first glance...maybe I’ll name them after some galaxy or just NEBULA...

Sometimes, I miss my terrace episodes at nights...No more escapes to a wide and silent place...and no more of a dark n starry sky...Life has taken a serious turn with my Sony vaio always opened in front of me with me every time chewing something or gulping a cup of cinnamon tea, thinking if I die here this instant, would anyone bother...or how long it would take anyone to notice...what is better, to allow myself to be carried away by the crowd or sit somewhere safe and find a better way to do my business.